Saturday, December 25, 2010

plain scenes (Christmas).

Saturday December 18th was Antioch’s (my church) Christmas Show and it was phenomenal! The evening started with an hour of free desserts, chatting, and fair trade Christmas shopping. The lights dimmed at eight and the show started. Beautiful solo carols were sung, poetry was read, break dancers wowed the audience with their flips, worship was beautiful, and as the night was coming to an end a ballet was performed with a perfect 4 year old angel (Collette Curry) that stole the show.
There was also a live painter, Ashley Setzler, at the front of the stage all night. Her painting was displayed the next morning at Sunday service as well and as I worshipped, the Lord really brought it to my attention. At first glance it is a rather plain scene, a bare lamp stand, a light bulb with no shade illuminating a shabby brick wall covered in moss. But if you look long enough you realize that the orb of light coming off the bulb forms an ocean blue circle. That is at least interesting…brick isn’t usually blue. Then the moss begins to look too calculated, not just random splotches but perhaps something more intentional. And then the entire message of the painting becomes clear. Here is this rather ordinary looking site that upon closer inspection is actually setting the entire world alight.
            This really ministered to me. So many days feel so ordinary in life. Wake up, go to school or work, take out the trash, worry about spending too much money on Starbucks, make dinner, try and go out every once in awhile, get some sleep, do it again. I sometimes forget that I have the living God inside of me, the same power that rose Christ from the dead, that my Savior came to give me abundant life! Looking at this picture I felt challenged to let God use what I consider to be my very ordinary life to do unfathomable things. I felt challenged to take more risks for the Kingdom, to ask God for more divine appointments in my life, to use me to love a very dark world. In the midst of very ordinary moments God can use us to illuminate the world. When things feel cold, damp, dark, and moldy God surprises us with beautiful miracles that seem to come out of nowhere.
            Is this not the first Christmas story? A dark night, a young girl everybody thought was a tramp, no place in the hotels or motels, a baby being born in the coldest most unglamorous place imaginable…and then God did it. Lit the world on fire with the glorious miracle of his perfect son.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

The stork flew by, baby delivery.

On Monday night at midnight we drove to the hospital because my sister went into labor. Are they not the cutest couple ever? My brother-in-law Cody is holding the go-bag (that they've had in the car for a month) and her purse. Aly, my sister, had contractions all the way into the labor and delivery department and we knew this baby was coming quick!

My family slept in half-hour increments throughout the night in the fluorescent lighting of the hospital waiting room. At 5am my dad and I made a starbucks run and by 6am everybody sort of had their wits about them again.

Carter Reef Padrnos was born November 9, 2010 at 6:09 am, weighing 7.9lbs, and 20in long. perfection.
Welcome to the family little one, we love you so so so much!
10 perfect little toes :-)
Daddy and son.
Aunty Nata loves you precious lil guy.
cute little going home outfit.

as an aunty this is by far my favorite picture, look at those big doe eyes!

It started out as a joke with my sister, but I'm thinking of keeping it:
how do you feel about the name "aunty mongo"?

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Children in Nature.

by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
As a fond mother, when the day is o'er,
Leads by the hand her little child to bed,
Half willing, half reluctant to be led, 
And leave his broken playthings on the floor,
Still gazing at them through the open door, 
Nor wholly reassured and comforted
By promises of others in their stead,
Which though more splendid, may not please him more;
So Nature deals with us, and takes away
Our playthings one by one, and by the hand
Leads us to rest so gently, that we go
Scarce knowing if we wish to go or stay,
Being too full of sleep to understand 
How far the unknown transcends the what we know

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Baby Shower Cupcakes

I'm going to be an aunty very soon! My older sister,  Aly, was due on Halloween, and while we were glad not to have a little goblin, it seems like he should've come by now! He is 6 days late and we are so anxious to hold him! His name is Carter Reef Padrnos, pictures coming soon of him hopefully!!

Anywho...I did the cupcakes for her shower and had a lot of fun with them. 

I handmade the toppers out of scrapbooking stickers and lollipop sticks, really affordable and easy method.

I used really simple recipes for vanilla, devils food, and strawberry cupcakes because I was baking for over 80 women and everyone likes the basics :-)

I'm starting to get the hang of frosting with tips, adding a bit of Meringue powder to the frosting really helped.


Sunday, October 24, 2010


Recently I had a dream that I believe was from the Lord.

 I was standing in the ocean with water up to my knees and my sister was standing next to me. I was holding my wallet in one hand and my license in the other. I accidently dropped my I.D.  into the ocean and had to scramble to get it as is rode up and down in the choppy water. This happened a few times in a row, I just wasn't paying attention to it and it would slip out of my grip. Eventually I did not retrieve it quickly enough and it was drawn out to sea, far out into the horizon. I became aware of a presence behind me on the shore. There was an overweight woman in a black bathing suit under an umbrella on the sand. She served as a "voice of wisdom" in my dream and had a New Jersey accent and a little bit of an attitude (don't tell me God doesn't have a sense of humor).

She said, "Oh don't worry about it honey, I've had that happen lots of times. Just pray that He'll bring it back to you, and He will."

I prayed and my license floated back to me. I picked it up and she chimed in again.

"Well no, don't be an idiot! Now that He has given it back to you put it in your wallet where it belongs!"

And so I did.

I woke up and God showed me that this was His answer to all of the prayers I shoot up to Him about identity.

Sometimes we drop our identities into things around us like it was a piece of trash, into unhealthy relationships, into hopes that our bosses will affirm us, into getting an A on that next test, into our possessions, looks, etc.

There is a place for our identities and His name is Christ. It sounds cheesy but He is our wallet, He is where our I.D. belongs and is most secure.

The problem is that we MUST be intentional. If we keep dropping our identity  into the ocean it is going to float so far away that we won't know who we are anymore.

I dare you to pray that God will bring it back, all of who you are and who He created you to be. But once He does it is up to you to pick it up, put it securely in Him, and make sure it isn't dropped again.
The main point in all this is that we are precious, our identities are precious to the Lord, and if we treat them like they are nothing we might lose out on everything He created us to be.

There is more to come on this subject that God showed me, so look out for more clarification in part two!


Friday, October 22, 2010

denominations spenominations. and coffee.

I have gotten myself into a little routine I am loving. I workout early in the morning and then head across the streets for a cup of coffee, time reading scripture, praying, and writing. Today I was feeling guilty for not getting out of the house until 9am as compared to 5am. However, doesn't God always surprise us with His will when we think we have made a mistake?

As I sat in my seat, covered in sweat and reading scripture, I heard a sweet elderly woman's voice coming from behind me.
"Are you reading scripture??" she said.
"Yes," I replied.
"Oh, good for you sweetie! Do you have two minutes to hear a story about romans 8:28?"
"Ummm, sure?"

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

She told me that her and her husband were very worried about her son who was a sheriff in Moreno Valley, CA because of the gangs in the area. They began to pray everyday for his safety, thanking him in advance for any problems that would come up because they knew He would use them for good. 

A few weeks later her son pulled over a car full of gang members and was shot 3 times. One went through his shirt pocket and was caught by his bullet proof vest. Another grazed his wrist. Another went through his abdomen and out his back. Miraculously it did not rupture any organs or his intestines, he was perfectly fine.

Here is the kicker, this happened over 20 years ago and this woman, Ruth, was still beaming with joy about it.

Our conversation moved on and she told me she was part of a catholic movement that was involved in planting home churches with very tight community. I shared about my wonderful church, Antioch, that has the same heart although a different denomination.

As she walked away I began to realize how beautiful the interaction was. So  often there is a nasty divide between denominations and even churches. However this morning over espresso, the word of God and his loving miracles brought two women of different generations together with nothing but love.

We are the church, of every denomination, and I love to see the Spirit moving all of us in the same direction of tight, loving community.

Thank you my loving God and Friend.

Monday, October 18, 2010

rainy afternoon

The Rain :: J.L. Borges

The afternoon grows light because at last

Abruptly a minutely shredded rain
Is falling, or it fell. For once again
Rain is something happening in the past.

Whoever hears it fall has brought to mind

Time when by a sudden lucky chance
A flower called “rose” was open to his glance
And the curious color of the colored kind.

This rain that blinds the windows with its mists

Will gladden in suburbs no more to be found
The black grapes on a vine there overhead

In a certain patio that no longer exists.

And the drenched afternoon brings back the sound
How longed for, of my father’s voice, not dead.

[From Dreamtigers, by Jorge Luis Borges, translated by Harold Morland]

Sunday, September 26, 2010


I live with my mom and step-dad in Riverside, ca. Like every family we have our days of fighting and most days our schedules allow us to see each other in 5 minute segments. However, there are moments that make you remember what family is all about. Of course days like baby showers and weddings and funerals draw us together, but I value the unexpected moments above all.

Tonight after dinner we were all standing in the kitchen while my mom did the dishes. My step-dad, Bob, a lawyer, casually pulled out a handful of snap-peas from his pocket. In a weird western twang he said "Oh! I almost forgot my magic beans!" My mom and I almost peed our pants we were laughing so hard.
 "Make sure you put them in the refrigerator Jack, because last time you forgot magic beans in your pocket I found them in the wash. I used to find money and now I find magic beans," my mom said. Bob now happily spends most of his time tending a vegetable garden in our backyard instead of at the office. He is much more the farmer, builder type. We were all giggling again and somehow I started doing slavic dance moves, which prompted my mom to ask if I had eaten the magic shrooms instead of the magic beans.

Bob whispered to me not so slyly, "They aren't even really magic beaaans!"
"They only give you the gas? They make you do the slavic dances?" I asked in my slavic accent.
"That reminds me...I was going to let the dogs in," Bob said.
"I could see how our dogs would remind you of slavic dancing and gas," my mom said.

And the laughter rolled again.

This probably sounds completely ridiculous to everyone else on the planet. But the point to my posting this silly moment in my life is to ask you to look at your family. I don't mean just your parents and siblings, although if you have them you should. But look at your church family, your friends, the people you live life with. And with a new appreciation for them, remember to have fun, let loose every once in awhile, and enjoy those people you love.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Easy end of summer treat.

Angel Food Cupcakes!

As summer winds down, these are the perfect treats for the last weeks of hot weather and calendars that becoming fuller and fuller.

The title almost explains an angel food cake mix, follow directions to make the batter, and fill cupcake tins 3/4 of the way full (should make about 36).

I used an icing tip that made my frosting look like small swirls of whipped cream and then added sliced strawberries and blueberries. They were a hit at the bonfire I brought them to!

Welcome Autumn with Chai Honey Cupcakes.

Say heeelllooooooo to fall with these wonderfully spicy cupcakes.... this is my favorite recipe on the planet! They are perfect breakfast treats and also work with coffee on a chilly evening with colorful leaves blowing off trees in the background...maybe with the fireplace going as well!


3 chai-spice tea bags
1/2 cup of boiling water
1 1/4 cups flour
3/4 cups brown sugar
1 1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
 1/4 cup of honey
4tbsp butter, melted
1/4 cup buttermilk
1 large egg


preheat at 350
steep the tea bags in the boiling water for 5 min, discard bags, let cool

whisk together the flour, brown sugar, baking soda, and salt
in a large bowl combine the honey, melted butter, buttermilk and egg
add the dry ingredients using an electric beater
add the cooled tea and beat until just combined

bake in muffin tins (makes about a dozen)

add a drop of honey to homemade vanilla frosting and swirl into small circles

Enjoy....feel free to double or triple the recipe :-) 

the second law of thermodynamics and your life.

Here is a random thought I had in science class this summer:


In order to have growth and order in our lives we need to accept help from God and His body. When times get tough we cannot become closed systems that hide away from the world...if we do we will never grow and will become more disorderly by the day.

let us cast our cares on Him for he cares for us and His greatest desire is to see his children free from all the woes that he saved us from on the cross. Be transparent with our Abba and gain new strength from Him, be transparent with the church so that you can get advice, wisdom, and love when you need it and give life when others need it. My prayer is that the church would always be an open system...always gaining new energy from each other and God, casting all of our troubles on HIS shoulders, because He is infinitely able to handle it. That everyday we would grow in strength and order and grace.

Cast your cares on the LORD
       and he will sustain you;
       he will never let the righteous fall. psalm 55:22

Monday, August 16, 2010

Whitman and fish.

This morning I had time to sit and eat breakfast outside. I prayed a little but mostly just sat and felt like a child looking out at the trees and unending sky. Below my deck we have a little pond with koi in it. Today they were magical and splendid. They were fleeting dashes of color, full of wonder and dreams.

"And the fish suspended themselves so curiously below there- and the beautiful curious/ liquid,/ and the water-plants with their graceful flat heads- all became part of him."

-Walt Whitman "There Was a Child Went Forth"

I dare you to look at the world like a child today...

Friday, August 6, 2010

Champagne Pear cupcakes.

Is there really anything better than a glass of cool champagne in summertime?
(these cupcakes are not better than a glass of champagne but they go nicely with one)

1.5 cups of flour
1 tsp baking soda
pinch of salt
1 stick of butta
2 eggs
1/2 tsp vanilla
2 ripe pears pureed
1/2 cup champagne
1 flute for drinking.

Preheat at 350
sift dry ingredients in one bowl.
in another beat butter and sugar together
add eggs one at a time
mix in dry mix alternating with champagne and vanilla
add pear mix last, making sure the batter is not drippy pancake goop.
16-18min to golden perfection
ice with vanilla frosting.


Happy Birthday to my nephew Corban.

One year ago today my beautiful nephew Corban was born and also went home to be with the Lord. He was absolutely the most beautiful baby I have ever seen. Today I want to post the letter I wrote for him and read at his funeral. I believe the Lord gave it to me.

My dearest nephew Corban,

You have never met me; I am your aunty Nata. Even though we have never met my sweet little boy I don’t think I could love you any more than I already do. I remember the day your beautiful mommy called me; I was the first one to know you were alive besides your daddy. I was in San Francisco with Nathan when your mommy called and we screamed and danced around the room for what seemed like hours, tears of joy poured out of my eyes. We had waited for you for 3 years! Even before I knew you were here I bought you little boots from Italy.

I hope that even when you were so little you could somehow hear or feel or know the love that has surrounded you since your first moment of existence. Your Daddy had been so anxious for you to be here and never stopped talking about how much he wanted you. From that phone call on every Thursday the whole family and the church that loved you too would ask what size you were. First you were just a tiny dot but soon strong boy you were a grain of rice, a blueberry, a peach, softball, a honeydew melon, and stronger and bigger you got. We watched mommy’s stomach grow knowing that God was forming the most wonderful man inside of her.

At first, I’ll be honest; I thought you were a girl. I’m sorry! But before the doctor told us God gave me peace that you were a boy and I couldn’t have been happier about it. Who were you going to become? What gifts and quirks was God weaving into your heart? My heart dwelled on you day and night. I think Mommy’s favorite times with you were spent with Abba. Every morning she read you the bible, she prayed for you and with you. Baby boy you have been prayed for more than anyone I have ever met. So many hopes and dreams were prayed into your life. You are so special and cared for, you would have to be coming from the two best parents anyone could ask for.

It is very hard to know that I will never get to baby-sit you or throw a big first birthday for you with Mommy, it is very painful to know that your perfect little spirit is not matched by a perfect little body. But how blessed I am to have seen your beautiful face that long night at the hospital. Yes my precious one many tears of love have been cried for you. Your Mommy and Daddy love you so much and they don’t want to say goodbye. Everyone wants to hold you and play with you! Little man there is one who loves you even more than Mommy and Daddy; can you believe that? He is your Abba, your Daddy in heaven; he is your best friend, your king, and your savior. Little one you get to be with him right away. Your life here on earth has already been hard, and we are so sorry that you ever had to have anything less than the best. But now you can run, play, jump, hug, learn; you get to be the man God has created you to be, fulfill an amazing purpose in heaven, and live in the unbroken and perfect relationship with your Abba that all of us down here crave. May you be blessed and loved beyond measure baby boy. We are all in a hurry to get where you are so that you and Abba can show us the ropes of perfect beauty, purpose, love, and relationship.

You are loved little one. Forever and ever and I am anxious to hold your perfect little hand.

Your aunty


Friday, July 16, 2010

mind cage.

Yesterday I had a lovely conversation with my friend Gracie. We were in my swimming pool in 107 degree weather. She was telling me about her trip to the Dominican Republic and all the miracles God had worked in her. I won't go into details here, for they are not mine to share. But she led me to realize something about myself.

We stayed in the pool as the sun was covered in thick gray clouds and the air was thickened with the smell of summer storms; a mix of fire and heavy dew. I realized that in social circumstances I get wrapped up in my thoughts, anxious about being loved by my friends, and what to say. In my time with God I am consumed with trying to picture exactly who He is and getting my heart in the right spot to meet him, making sure I read, journal and pray for others. I feel it is impossible for me to be present in moments that should be beautiful because I am caged in my own mind.

I know that seems a tad dramatic and easy to fix. I am sure everyone experiences this to some extent. However, it is truly my tormenter. The enemy turns bonfires into forest fires constantly in my thought life. Don't even get me started on my emotional life.

However, last night Antioch had a prayer and worship night. As I was singing I was again enveloped in my thoughts, trying with all MY strength to focus on God and stop my mind from wandering to my grocery list. Then, He showed me. I had a vision that I was standing in a dark, dirty, dilapidated shack. A dusty wooden door opened before me to an amazingly bright orb of light. I was on the threshold of dark and light, freedom and shackles.

"God, I want out! I want to live in Your light, not in the confusing and ravaging thoughts in my head," My heart cried. But I know that I am so afraid to leave my cage. It may be full of germs and lacking light, but I am comfortable in my misery and can sulk without the interference of others. Outside requires me to be vulnerable, to be present means I will have to engage in relationship with no place to retreat. No back corner of my mind to analyze and escape.

This morning I woke up with immense peace and joy that could only be of God. The door has been opened, I have stepped into His light, no part of me wants to go back despite my fear...

He gave me this verse this morning:

Isaiah 28:16-17

16 So this is what the Sovereign LORD says:
"See, I lay a stone in Zion,
a tested stone,
a precious cornerstone for a sure foundation;
the one who trusts will never be dismayed.

17 I will make justice the measuring line
and righteousness the plumb line;
hail will sweep away your refuge, the lie,
and water will overflow your hiding place.

It may hurt for him to sweep away my hiding place but it is only a lie, nothing real. Surely the precious cornerstone will hold me in His arms and bring me into the glorious light of His joy an freedom.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Cultivating Charity

So do you remember the garden I posted about a few months ago? (
Well, it is now a little farm! We have had fresh salads every night, carrots and potatoes in our pot roasts, and fresh herbs on everything! I was so blessed when my parents said that I could take the HUGE bounty of lettuce and spinach to a homeless shelter. Four giant bags later and I was ready to go. I heard Cross Winds Community in Mead Valley could use it, from a friend, loaded my car with greens, and headed out there.

I was expecting dusty roads, a big kitchen to feed the homeless, and a rough crowd. Instead, when my beautiful friend Elizabeth and I arrived at 2 in the afternoon of the fourth of July, we were welcomed by an amazingly loving woman named Vicky. She had a big white floppy hat on and took half an hour out of her busy schedule to give us a tour of the grounds, yes grounds, and tell us about their ministries.

Vicky and her husband Herald started Cross Winds ten years ago because they had a heart for the poverty stricken, drug inhabited, prostitution prone area. Today they feed over 300 people a day, send missionaries to Uganda, have a community garden, help families become self sufficient with their own gardens and chickens, give out clothing, offer rehabilitation classes for drug-addicts and alcoholics, visit prisoners, and house homeless men... serving roughly 6,000 people a month. They are a dynamic church who is doing so much for the community it can only be the Holy Spirit's work. Stepping onto their property feels like stepping into a mission trip in a foreign country; in the impoverished rural area they have managed to create a beautiful place for the sick and broken to rest and heal in the Holy Spirit. They are a body that is not about just donating but finding lasting solutions to poverty. Their slogan is "Cross Winds is a ministry which gets to the "ROOT" of the problem..."WHY" people develop life controlling destructive HOPE and LIFE to those who have given up."

I was extremely humbled by Herald and Vicky's character, with all the work they do for the Lord, they kept asking how they could help our new church, Antioch. Such amazing people that I pray the Lord will bless me with a relationship with. Cannot wait until the corn and potatoes are ready for their trip to Mead Valley!

Want to donate or volunteer?
call: (951) 657-1546

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

One of those refreshing "awwwhhh" mornings.

This morning I was trying to have my quiet time with the Lord and things just weren't working out. I felt restless and like I was putting in all the effort. Turns out that was the problem. I went downstairs and got some Kashi Go Lean, added some fresh blueberries and strawberries and tried to relax.

I'm on a journey right now to live as royalty, as the daughter of the KING OF KINGS. I am craving so badly to see that change in me that I am exhausting myself with my own effort to morph. Luckily, that is not how the Kingdom works.

I laid down on my bed and God showed me something: that I expect the Spirit to show up mightily at church but feel too unworthy for Him to show up strongly in my alone time with Him. So for the first time in a long time I closed my eyes and invited the Spirit to come, and He did. I felt His presence around me and His peace and joy.

I have no idea how to explain it but I felt Jesus in me today. Not in a cheesy "OH yes the Lord is my home" kind of way. But in a physical heaviness and duality of spirit kind of way. I knew he inhabited every inch of me. I know that sounds crazy but He was just reminding me that the King of the Universe lives in me. That means I have all of His authority and love and royalty and grace abiding in me at all times. He whispered "I'm not going anywhere, I'll always be here," and peace filled my heart in a crazy way.

Scripture: Ephesians 1
I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. 18I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, 19and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, 20which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, 21far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. 22And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, 23which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.

God also showed me this poem that really spoke to me about this experience, about resting and letting Him change me:
Black Swallowtail
by, Mary Oliver

The caterpillar

interesting but not exactly lovely,

humped along among the parsley leaves

eating, always eating. Then

one night it was gone and in its place

a small green confinement hung by two silk threads

on a parsley stem. I think it took nothing with it

except faith and patience. And then one morning

it expressed itself into the most beautiful thing.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

One Great Thing.

So pretty much everyone I love in the world left today or is leaving tomorrow to the Dominican Republic on a mission trip called 1 great thing. I love them all so much and this blog is simply a prayer request. Please pray that God shakes lives, shows up in big ways, works miracles, brings light to the DR and brings everyone home safely.

One Great thing is a collaborative missions EXPERIENCE that combines training, worship, and service (head, heart, hands). The trip is for twenty-somethings who want to do something great but find themselves sitting on the beach all summer long. Ghandi said
"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."
That is the big difference with 1GT, you don't just do the change, you become the change you wish to see in the world. I went last year and nothing has been the same since... my team is my family now and I feel like a completely different person. God moves in mighty ways and I expect to hear even bigger stories this year. PRAY FAMILY!

for more info visit:

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Love Lessons.

So I know this is sounds cheesy, but this blog was inspired by a country song.

I was driving down the 215 and this song came one the radio. I'm a sucker for country and started crying, but I wasn't crying for the normal reason. The Lord was ministering to me through this crappy song.

If you want a brick home in a school zone
With the doors locked and alarms on
Girl, you’re way off track
I’m a little more country than that

I just want to make sure you know just who you’re getting under this old hat
Cause girl I’m not the kind to two time or play games behind your back
I’m a little more country than that
Yeah, I’m sure that you’ve heard those three words from Others
But they fell flat
But this ring ain’t some thing that I mean to give you
And then take back
I’m a little more country than that

My dating life has held a pretty steady pattern since I was 15. A very unhealthy pattern, sorry if you are an ex of mine reading this. I tend to wait a long time to date guys until they are wrapped around my little finger. I like to make sure I am in control... deep down I am really afraid of trusting someone enough to let them take care of me. Therefore I create situations in which I direct the relationship's course, no matter how manipulative I have to be, so that I am not vulnerable to being hurt, or someone really seeing me.

As I listened to this song I realized that this man really knew who he was. He was letting this girl know just what she was getting into. I want that, but I am afraid of that. That's when Pride and Prejudice entered my mind. (I know I am being a cheeseball this entire blog). But think about Jane and Darcy's romance. They are both very sure of who they are, neither one of them thinks they can change the other. And sure, this causes tension in the beginning but fireworks at the end.

God showed me that my dating life did not just apply to boys, but the Creator of the universe. I try to manipulate Him, control Him, direct our relationship's course. I exaggerate or manufacture emotions in prayer so that he will forgive me more easily, love me more, and bless me more.

What I am not realizing in my heart is the solidity of who God is. His unshakeable, unchangeable, unfathomable character. HE is and was and always will be the same. No matter what I do, He is going to act in His will. This may cause tension in the beginning, but like Mr. Darcy and Jane...fireworks in the end. I NEED a rock, shelter, and firm ground to stand on.

That is where the WORD comes in. I think it is time to stop reading to make my life easier, and to start reading to get to know my PaPa better. Because the truth is I don't have to manufacture anything. He already wants to bless me, has already forgiven me, and is madly in love with me just the way I am. I want to know just what I'm getting under his old...Yamaka? Fedora? I don't know what kind of hat God would wear...I don't think He would choose a cowboy hat though.

Thank you Lord for always drawing me nearer and nearer to Your heart, I am forever in awe of YOUR unending love.