One of those refreshing "awwwhhh" mornings.

This morning I was trying to have my quiet time with the Lord and things just weren't working out. I felt restless and like I was putting in all the effort. Turns out that was the problem. I went downstairs and got some Kashi Go Lean, added some fresh blueberries and strawberries and tried to relax.

I'm on a journey right now to live as royalty, as the daughter of the KING OF KINGS. I am craving so badly to see that change in me that I am exhausting myself with my own effort to morph. Luckily, that is not how the Kingdom works.

I laid down on my bed and God showed me something: that I expect the Spirit to show up mightily at church but feel too unworthy for Him to show up strongly in my alone time with Him. So for the first time in a long time I closed my eyes and invited the Spirit to come, and He did. I felt His presence around me and His peace and joy.

I have no idea how to explain it but I felt Jesus in me today. Not in a cheesy "OH yes the Lord is my home" kind of way. But in a physical heaviness and duality of spirit kind of way. I knew he inhabited every inch of me. I know that sounds crazy but He was just reminding me that the King of the Universe lives in me. That means I have all of His authority and love and royalty and grace abiding in me at all times. He whispered "I'm not going anywhere, I'll always be here," and peace filled my heart in a crazy way.

Scripture: Ephesians 1

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. ¹⁸I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, ¹⁹and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, ²⁰which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, ²¹far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. ²²And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, ²³which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.

God also showed me this poem that really spoke to me about this experience, about resting and letting Him change me:

Black Swallowtail

by, Mary Oliver

The caterpillar

interesting but not exactly lovely,

humped along among the parsley leaves

eating, always eating. Then

one night it was gone and in its place

a small green confinement hung by two silk threads

on a parsley stem. I think it took nothing with it

except faith and patience. And then one morning

it expressed itself into the most beautiful thing.