mind cage.

Yesterday I had a lovely conversation with my friend Gracie. We were in my swimming pool in 107 degree weather. She was telling me about her trip to the Dominican Republic and all the miracles God had worked in her. I won't go into details here, for they are not mine to share. But she led me to realize something about myself.

We stayed in the pool as the sun was covered in thick gray clouds and the air was thickened with the smell of summer storms; a mix of fire and heavy dew. I realized that in social circumstances I get wrapped up in my thoughts, anxious about being loved by my friends, and what to say. In my time with God I am consumed with trying to picture exactly who He is and getting my heart in the right spot to meet him, making sure I read, journal and pray for others. I feel it is impossible for me to be present in moments that should be beautiful because I am caged in my own mind.

I know that seems a tad dramatic and easy to fix. I am sure everyone experiences this to some extent. However, it is truly my tormenter. The enemy turns bonfires into forest fires constantly in my thought life. Don't even get me started on my emotional life.

Victory:

However, last night Antioch had a prayer and worship night. As I was singing I was again enveloped in my thoughts, trying with all MY strength to focus on God and stop my mind from wandering to my grocery list. Then, He showed me. I had a vision that I was standing in a dark, dirty, dilapidated shack. A dusty wooden door opened before me to an amazingly bright orb of light. I was on the threshold of dark and light, freedom and shackles.

"God, I want out! I want to live in Your light, not in the confusing and ravaging thoughts in my head," My heart cried. But I know that I am so afraid to leave my cage. It may be full of germs and lacking light, but I am comfortable in my misery and can sulk without the interference of others. Outside requires me to be vulnerable, to be present means I will have to engage in relationship with no place to retreat. No back corner of my mind to analyze and escape.

This morning I woke up with immense peace and joy that could only be of God. The door has been opened, I have stepped into His light, no part of me wants to go back despite my fear...

He gave me this verse this morning:

Isaiah 28:16-17

¹⁶ So this is what the Sovereign LORD says:
"See, I lay a stone in Zion,
a tested stone,
a precious cornerstone for a sure foundation;
the one who trusts will never be dismayed.

¹⁷ I will make justice the measuring line
and righteousness the plumb line;
hail will sweep away your refuge, the lie,
and water will overflow your hiding place.

It may hurt for him to sweep away my hiding place but it is only a lie, nothing real. Surely the precious cornerstone will hold me in His arms and bring me into the glorious light of His joy an freedom.

Cultivating Charity

So do you remember the garden I posted about a few months ago? (http://treeofthefield.blogspot.com/2010/04/hip-parents.html)

Well, it is now a little farm! We have had fresh salads every night, carrots and potatoes in our pot roasts, and fresh herbs on everything! I was so blessed when my parents said that I could take the HUGE bounty of lettuce and spinach to a homeless shelter. Four giant bags later and I was ready to go. I heard Cross Winds Community in Mead Valley could use it, from a friend, loaded my car with greens, and headed out there.

I was expecting dusty roads, a big kitchen to feed the homeless, and a rough crowd. Instead, when my beautiful friend Elizabeth and I arrived at 2 in the afternoon of the fourth of July, we were welcomed by an amazingly loving woman named Vicky. She had a big white floppy hat on and took half an hour out of her busy schedule to give us a tour of the grounds, yes grounds, and tell us about their ministries.

Vicky and her husband Herald started Cross Winds ten years ago because they had a heart for the poverty stricken, drug inhabited, prostitution prone area. Today they feed over 300 people a day, send missionaries to Uganda, have a community garden, help families become self sufficient with their own gardens and chickens, give out clothing, offer rehabilitation classes for drug-addicts and alcoholics, visit prisoners, and house homeless men... serving roughly 6,000 people a month. They are a dynamic church who is doing so much for the community it can only be the Holy Spirit's work. Stepping onto their property feels like stepping into a mission trip in a foreign country; in the impoverished rural area they have managed to create a beautiful place for the sick and broken to rest and heal in the Holy Spirit. They are a body that is not about just donating but finding lasting solutions to poverty. Their slogan is "Cross Winds is a ministry which gets to the "ROOT" of the problem..."WHY" people develop life controlling destructive cycles...giving HOPE and LIFE to those who have given up."

I was extremely humbled by Herald and Vicky's character, with all the work they do for the Lord, they kept asking how they could help our new church, Antioch. Such amazing people that I pray the Lord will bless me with a relationship with. Cannot wait until the corn and potatoes are ready for their trip to Mead Valley!

Want to donate or volunteer?

call: (951) 657-1546

email: crosswindsperris@verizon.net

One of those refreshing "awwwhhh" mornings.

This morning I was trying to have my quiet time with the Lord and things just weren't working out. I felt restless and like I was putting in all the effort. Turns out that was the problem. I went downstairs and got some Kashi Go Lean, added some fresh blueberries and strawberries and tried to relax.

I'm on a journey right now to live as royalty, as the daughter of the KING OF KINGS. I am craving so badly to see that change in me that I am exhausting myself with my own effort to morph. Luckily, that is not how the Kingdom works.

I laid down on my bed and God showed me something: that I expect the Spirit to show up mightily at church but feel too unworthy for Him to show up strongly in my alone time with Him. So for the first time in a long time I closed my eyes and invited the Spirit to come, and He did. I felt His presence around me and His peace and joy.

I have no idea how to explain it but I felt Jesus in me today. Not in a cheesy "OH yes the Lord is my home" kind of way. But in a physical heaviness and duality of spirit kind of way. I knew he inhabited every inch of me. I know that sounds crazy but He was just reminding me that the King of the Universe lives in me. That means I have all of His authority and love and royalty and grace abiding in me at all times. He whispered "I'm not going anywhere, I'll always be here," and peace filled my heart in a crazy way.

Scripture: Ephesians 1

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. ¹⁸I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, ¹⁹and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, ²⁰which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, ²¹far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. ²²And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, ²³which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.

God also showed me this poem that really spoke to me about this experience, about resting and letting Him change me:

Black Swallowtail

by, Mary Oliver

The caterpillar

interesting but not exactly lovely,

humped along among the parsley leaves

eating, always eating. Then

one night it was gone and in its place

a small green confinement hung by two silk threads

on a parsley stem. I think it took nothing with it

except faith and patience. And then one morning

it expressed itself into the most beautiful thing.

One Great Thing.

So pretty much everyone I love in the world left today or is leaving tomorrow to the Dominican Republic on a mission trip called 1 great thing. I love them all so much and this blog is simply a prayer request. Please pray that God shakes lives, shows up in big ways, works miracles, brings light to the DR and brings everyone home safely.

One Great thing is a collaborative missions EXPERIENCE that combines training, worship, and service (head, heart, hands). The trip is for twenty-somethings who want to do something great but find themselves sitting on the beach all summer long. Ghandi said

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."

That is the big difference with 1GT, you don't just do the change, you become the change you wish to see in the world. I went last year and nothing has been the same since... my team is my family now and I feel like a completely different person. God moves in mighty ways and I expect to hear even bigger stories this year. PRAY FAMILY!

for more info visit: http://1greatthing.org/

Love Lessons.

So I know this is sounds cheesy, but this blog was inspired by a country song.

I was driving down the 215 and this song came one the radio. I'm a sucker for country and started crying, but I wasn't crying for the normal reason. The Lord was ministering to me through this crappy song.

If you want a brick home in a school zone

With the doors locked and alarms on

Girl, you’re way off track

I’m a little more country than that

I just want to make sure you know just who you’re getting under this old hat

Cause girl I’m not the kind to two time or play games behind your back

I’m a little more country than that

Yeah, I’m sure that you’ve heard those three words from Others

But they fell flat

But this ring ain’t some thing that I mean to give you

And then take back

I’m a little more country than that

My dating life has held a pretty steady pattern since I was 15. A very unhealthy pattern, sorry if you are an ex of mine reading this. I tend to wait a long time to date guys until they are wrapped around my little finger. I like to make sure I am in control... deep down I am really afraid of trusting someone enough to let them take care of me. Therefore I create situations in which I direct the relationship's course, no matter how manipulative I have to be, so that I am not vulnerable to being hurt, or someone really seeing me.

As I listened to this song I realized that this man really knew who he was. He was letting this girl know just what she was getting into. I want that, but I am afraid of that. That's when Pride and Prejudice entered my mind. (I know I am being a cheeseball this entire blog). But think about Jane and Darcy's romance. They are both very sure of who they are, neither one of them thinks they can change the other. And sure, this causes tension in the beginning but fireworks at the end.

God showed me that my dating life did not just apply to boys, but the Creator of the universe. I try to manipulate Him, control Him, direct our relationship's course. I exaggerate or manufacture emotions in prayer so that he will forgive me more easily, love me more, and bless me more.

What I am not realizing in my heart is the solidity of who God is. His unshakeable, unchangeable, unfathomable character. HE is and was and always will be the same. No matter what I do, He is going to act in His will. This may cause tension in the beginning, but like Mr. Darcy and Jane...fireworks in the end. I NEED a rock, shelter, and firm ground to stand on.

That is where the WORD comes in. I think it is time to stop reading to make my life easier, and to start reading to get to know my PaPa better. Because the truth is I don't have to manufacture anything. He already wants to bless me, has already forgiven me, and is madly in love with me just the way I am. I want to know just what I'm getting under his old...Yamaka? Fedora? I don't know what kind of hat God would wear...I don't think He would choose a cowboy hat though.

Thank you Lord for always drawing me nearer and nearer to Your heart, I am forever in awe of YOUR unending love.

joy in the small things.

I have 3 HUGE essays due this week, 2 oral presentations, 25 hours scheduled at work, all my regular homework, and 5 finals next week to study for. So I am a tad stressed.

But...the good news is that when I spit out the foamy stuff that exists after you brush your teeth

it looked exactly like a baby bunny in my sink. 2 big bubble eyes, a little bubble nose, fluffy spitty body and 2 little ears..

JOY in the little things. lol

Summers here: Orange Zesty Cupcakes have arrived.

I came home last week to 3 huge baskets full of oranges and grapefruits. That means it is summer in my house. It is so nice to have fresh squeezed orange juice in the morning, and when you are baking orange cupcakes.

BTW-- Sorry for the poor quality photos, I took them with my phone.

cupcakes:

pre-heat oven at 350

mix ingredients of bowl 1:

2 cups of flour

2 1/2 tsp of baking powder

1/2 tsp of salt

stir the ingredients of bowl 2:

3 tbsp veggie oil

4 tbsp fresh orange juice

3 tsp fine orange zest

In bowl 3:

beat 1.5 cups of sugar with 14 tbsp butter

beat in 2 eggs, 1 at a time.

beat in bowl 1 alternating with bowl 2

bake for 18-20 min (should be somewhere between the consistency of cake and pound cake)

orange glaze:

2 cups powdered sugar

5 tbsp fresh orange juice

2 tsp orange zest

happy summer...